Getting Your Grub on With Kicker

I am nutritionists nightmare, that lives by the eating habits Chad Ochocinco
. I really don't know why I eat so much junk especially since my mother would cook up the best food in town. If we want to analyze the situation, we must trace it all the way back to 7th grade. In 7th grade I probably was 80lbs, no lie. I HATED, and I mean I HATED eating breakfast. I don't know what was so unappealing about the cereal or oatmeal or whatever my mother had prepared for me. I wouldn't eat it. Then from 11:45 to 12:00 was lunch at my school. First off, this school was like having to sit through all three "Lord of the Rings". I mean I wanted to blow my brains out listening to those sexist teachers, (I was one of ten boys in my grade, and literally had detention at least once a week for the stupidest things, like for pegging a girl at recess playing dodge ball, showed her what was up.) Second off, what kind of school allows for 15 minutes for lunch! Needless to say my lunch was never finished on time. So by the time I would get home at around 3:30 I had about nothing to eat all day. Dinner was my favorite meal and my mother would cook up some good stuff after working all day. I'm talking about steak, green beans, roast chicken, london broil, potatoes, asparagus. Good stuff. Anyways my early eating habits were terrible. I literally would have only one meal a day.

My parents were never ones for junk food, soda, candy, whatever. And that was a problem with me. I have a major sweet tooth, lets just say my dentist and I are arch enemies (we literally dropped the gloves once and went at it, psh what cavities). So when I got my license I was finally free to go get all the sugar I wanted. It was like kissing a girl, well not sure what thats like...... lets just say it was pretty fricking awesome. With all the junk I was eating, McDonalds, Taco Bell, candy, soda, 7-11 trips. I don't know how I wasn't getting fat. In an age that people are health nuts, I was just cruising through and life laughing at those stupid diets and bigger people crying about watching weight and such. In short I was D-head about it. The only exercise I was getting was at soccer practice and as a back-up goalie it was more like okay, "Okay John, were doing free kicks, get in goal." aka target practice.

Enter College. And my terrible eating habits followed me. Only this time I was forced to workout. Here is what my day looks like.

9:30am - Rise and shine, shower, the whole ten yards, Red Bull and Coco Puffs Cereal Bar.
10:30-12- Class. Maybe have a bottle of water with me
12-1pm- Lunch @ Southside. 3 slices of Pizza, Chicken Patty with fries, MAYBE a chicken wrap, some soda and chocolate milk with cookies.
1-3 - Class
4-7 - Practice, maybe grab some candy and a smoothie at the RAC before.
7-8 - Dinner, pretty much the same as lunch, might get a pasta bowl, or if the special is any good.
8-10 - Homework.
10-11 Maybe some IKES before bed? Chicken Tenders, or a Tuna Melt.
11-???- More homework followed by bed.

If you are reading this and are stunned, don't be. Because I am just as stunned that I'm not like 700lbs. Instead I am a slender 165lbs with almost a six pack. I don't get it and I tell the haters "Child Please, Let's go to dinner, McDonalds on me."


P.S. Yes, I did eat that whole pizza by myself.